Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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