she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
