in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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