Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
