ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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