oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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