she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
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