woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So squirting runs in the family.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My vagina is officially offended.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
