lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
