Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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