we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize