he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
