people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
