bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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