he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
