I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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