I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
