And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
