you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
