The maid of honor just puked.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
