Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
