Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
