i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
