the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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