...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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