i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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