how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
