i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize