he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
