After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
