I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
worst night to have a conscience
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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