haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
