OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
