You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
