Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
