I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
