you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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