i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
