WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
