New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
