I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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