a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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