"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
