My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
