omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
