I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
