Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
