Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
