I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
