We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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