i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
