I wish my penis had an off switch
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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