It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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