"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
