I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
