shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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