Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
