I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
