Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
