I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
