i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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