3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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