Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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