i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
