his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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