Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
where am i from again
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
