He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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