hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
