i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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