Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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