the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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