I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
