her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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