I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
