K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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