apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
