She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I am one with the molecules
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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