Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
