i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
