I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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